Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
