can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
