Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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