She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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