I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
