why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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