you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
