he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
