I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
