Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
