I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
