He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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