nut hugger
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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