sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
