Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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