I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
