hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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