Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
