So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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