someone threw a dead crab at me
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
the liver wants what the liver wants
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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