if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
