Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
