Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
