Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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