So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
