if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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