There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
