Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
