just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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