Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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