What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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