would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
