Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
