Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
