The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
