my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
