it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
