Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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