I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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