I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
