Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
