Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
