Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
