Yo dont text me then not text me
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
