Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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