I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
