batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
