Define "chronic" masturbator.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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