im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
