Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
