i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
