guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
