We need to rekindle our bromance
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
