she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
