I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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